I had a dream

In it, I heard a voice:

"It's time you start committing to drawing. Are you truly serious? If not, let it go..."

And then I woke up. It haunted me for days because I've always thought that I AM committed to drawing. After 4 years of art school, and numerous art projects before that, and spending day after day in the studio....how can I not be? But at the same time, how do I go days without drawing, and still be alive? Where is the passion? The drive? Why does it hit me so inconsistently. And then, I realize that this has nothing to do with passion....it is because Drawing and I, we are just having numerous one night stands. It's fun, we flirt around and hang out and occasionally kiss, but only in our spare time...at our own convenience. Drawing and I, we're not committed. The status of my love life in career is really...single.

I enjoy the freedom being single gives. I enjoy perusing whatever strikes my interest...chasing after all the shiny, pretty choices available to me, but never settling on one. Because I know that if I commit myself to one relationship, it will tie me down, force me to work and nurture it, and there will be bad times as well as the happy times. There is no instant gratification. So really, I am single, and I am playing with Drawing, and leading it on.

It's time to decide if I want to commit and enter into a real relationship with it. I don't have the answer right now. I've been going through self-doubts, and questioning my interest and devotion to Drawing. Maybe I am better suited to other forms of art: like my first love, Writing, or Fashion, or Photography. But I don't feel ready to give up the feeling of joy when inspiration hits and all I want to do is paint beautiful scenes with vivid colors.

One thing I do know, no matter what I end up doing, I will always be an "artist." I can no longer see the world without getting shivers over a soft gentle sunset or waxing poetic about the sound of raindrops on the roof while curled up in an old attic. It's always been a part of me, and so it shall remain. But do I continue my fling with Drawing? Do I commit to it, or do I let it go so that something better will come along? I will make the decision soon.

I'm sorry for the lack of updates over the past month. I have been taking the time to relax and just enjoy the sun (when it's not raining, that is -_-) and since I haven't done any drawing in that month, I only have these words to share.